Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

We all have a favorite author that has inspired us in one way or another. For me, one of my favorite authors is Stephen Covey who presented a framework for personal effectiveness called the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. This is a book that I continue to read over and over again.  With each passing year, I learn more and more about ways to become and exist as highly effective person.  The most compelling part is that it’s a habit. We are so use to being told about our bad habits and how we need to change them and Mr. Covey talks about effective habits.

Let’s say you want to create a new habit, whether it’s exercising more often; eating healthier or setting financial goals.  The big question is how long will it take to become a part of us? Clearly it will depend on the type of habit one is trying to form and how single-minded you are in pursuing your goal. Ask Google and you will get a figure of somewhere between 21 and 28 days to change a habit or to create a positive habit. It really does work if you can make a concerted effort to stay focused.

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People presents an “inside-out” approach to effectiveness that is centered on principles and character. Inside-out means that the change starts within oneself. This approach represents a paradigm shift away from the personality ethic and toward the character ethic.

The following is a summary of the seven habits of effective people:

Habit 1: Be Proactive

Change starts from within, and highly effective people make the decision to improve their lives through the things that they can influence rather than by simply reacting to external forces.

Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind:

Develop a principle centered personal mission statement. Extend the mission statement into long-term goals.

Habit 3: Put First Things First

Spend time doing what fits into your personal mission, observing the proper balance between production and building production capacity. Identify the key roles that you take on in life, making time for each of them.

For me, this is a struggle as I tend to get distracted and bombarded with setting priorities when clients, family or others are pulling at you for attention. I have learned to be consistent and true to myself.

Habit 4: Think Win/Win

Seek agreements and relationships that are mutually beneficial. In cases where a “win/win” deal cannot be achieved, accept the fact that agreeing to make “no deal” may be the best alternative. In developing an organizational culture, be sure to reward win/win behavior among employees and avoid inadvertently rewarding win/lose behavior.

All too often we find ourselves in relationships that are a bit one sided leaving each of us feeling drained of energy to deal with our own issues. One personal example is a relationship that I have with two people who are always seeking advice but never seems to listen or follow through on the advice at all. I consider them to be drama queens because there is always a hot issue. The true lesson is to try contacting them when you have a minor issue and need an open ear. Don’t be surprise if they become deaf and move the story back to their own issue.  One way to deal with an issue of this nature is pure ELIMINATION of the relationship or distancing yourself or developing a habit of putting up invisible walls of protection.  A very good friend has taught me to train my ears to hear only what’s important from these emotional vampires. It beats walking around with garlic around your neck.

Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

First seek to understand the other person, and only then try to be understood. Mr. Covey presents this habit as the most important principle of interpersonal relations. Effective listening is not simply echoing what the other person has said through the lens of one’s own experience. Rather, it’s putting oneself in the perspective of the other person, listening empathically for both feeling and meaning.

Habit 6: Synergize

Through trustful communication, find ways to leverage individual differences to create a whole that is greater than the sum of the parts. Through mutual trust and understanding, one often can solve conflicts and find a better solution than would have been obtained through either person’s own solution.  Remember, there are always two sides to everything, listening is a great skill. A great trainer reminded me that it’s the reason we have two ears and only one mouth. Two ears to hear everything, two eyes to see everything and one mouth so there is only one voice at a time.  The things I have learned through active or passive listening have been remarkable.

Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw

Take time out from production to build production capacity through personal renewal of the physical, mental, social/emotional, and spiritual dimensions. Maintain a balance among these dimensions. Covey provides with the example of the goose that laid the golden egg. In the fable, a poor farmer’s goose began laying a solid gold egg every day, and the farmer son became rich.  He also became greedy and figured that the goose must have many golden eggs with her. In order to obtain all of the eggs immediately, he killed the goose. Upon cutting it open he discovered that it was not full of golden eggs at all. The lesson here – if one attempts to maximize immediate production with no regard to the production capability, the capability will be lost. Effectiveness is a function of both production and the capacity to produce. The balance applies to physical, financial and human assets.

Are there things that make you a more effective leader, trainer or person?  We would like to know. Please share those incredible ideas with us. Together we can become a community of highly effective people.

For more details about the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, download or pick up the book by Stephen Covey today.

Training to Succeed in Life

Reposted by popular demand

As we propel at the speed of light into 2012, I have noticed the need for more and more training of staff in the job market. You are probably thinking, of course, training on the job is a great thing and needed so that each employee can do a better job.  Well, I would like to see training start a step further to address the lack of soft or social skills needed to be a productive team member.

Once upon a time, soft or social skills were taught in the home by parents.  Children were always taught to say excuse me, thank you or a simple salutation of hello when walking into a room or elevator where others were already gathered.  It seems to be the norm in certain parts of the country to avoid any human interaction at any cost; making eye contact is out of the question with the fear that someone may address you in some way.

Some of the places where we are all guilty of being unsociable or polite include:

• Airplanes and other types of transportation– everyone seems to try wearing the invisible cloak from Harry Potter. If they don’t exist and I haven’t been introduced to them, why say hello or excuse me for coughing or sneezing all over the place without covering their mouths.

• Supermarkets – apparently the word excuse me must be eliminated from one’s vocabulary as soon as they enter the store. Even saying hello to the cashier seems to be difficult for most people. Quite often a simple smile can do the trick. How often to you smile?

• Restaurants – How often do you say hello to the people or person at the table next to you that you just showed your bottom too as you squeezed in to sit at your table. It’s always a good idea to say hello to your server and ask them how they are doing? Believe me, it will make his or her day because no one ever asks. The key here is to be sincere or don’t bother because people know when others are being fake.

• Super Shuttle – Today I tried an experiment when taking Super Shuttle from Dulles International Airport.  There were 3 other people on the bus and I wanted to try wearing my invisible cloak to see what would happen. Just as anyone would expect – absolutely nothing happened. People looked at each other and never made a sound. Half way through the 2-hour trip, I said something that made people laugh and from that moment on everyone was chatting with each other and having a delightful time. Even the driver chimed in with a few comments.

• Walking to work while talking on your phone or trying to check emails is probably the rudest trait of all. Quite often those who strive to multi-task and get things done really aren't getting very much done at all, well at least not well.  They also cut people off, bump into people and quite often fall down flat on the sidewalk. Challenge yourself, try walking to work or home without being attached to your mobile device one day out of each week. Figure out a reward for yourself if you can actually do it.

For the past year, I have been working in our nation’s capital, Washington, DC and the lack of social skills feels deeply rooted and here to stay. This lack of these skills has nothing to do with the amount of education that one may have, nor what their economic status is or can potentially be, or even one’s cultural background – it’s simply across the board throughout the workforce. It exists with people making over $100,000 and with those making less than $20,000 per year. Initially I thought that the lack of soft or social skills only existed with financially challenged people, but I was wrong. I challenge you to become more aware and observe for one day how many times someone was socially inept for the job they were doing. Have you ever noticed how excited we are to reward any worker for actually doing their job? For example, in restaurants when we find a great server we all tend to leave no less than a 20% tip when they are basically doing their jobs well. Most of us are so accustomed to bad service or difficult staff providing inferior outcomes that we are overjoyed when someone really does that job in what we consider exceptionally.

The challenge is to check yourself out first and become aware of the number of times you may have been rude or impolite to another person for no apparent reason or didn’t use the social skills that you were taught as a child or learned along the way to becoming an adult.  Often we can all be guilty of being lost in the pressures of our work. Today I was craving a small dessert and my car drove me to the nearest Whole Food.  Did I mention I was also hungry? Well, when the staff person presented herself to me I immediately started giving orders of what I wanted. When she returned I said to her, please forgive my rudeness; I forgot to say please and hello to you. She laughed and said you are the first person to say anything at all to me or smile. She then told me a story about how her young daughters ages 7 and 8 always remind her to say thank you and please. We had a good chuckle about it and promised to check ourselves and our behavior even during those stressed times.

After conducting trainings with local corporations, community organizations and government agencies it became clear that companies should be obliged to take training to the next level.  Research states that most of us spend more time on our jobs than we do at home, therefore spending more time with our co-workers than with our families. Try counting the number of people that you may have contact with from the time you start your day to the end of your day.  I conducted an experiment with myself and I was surprised at the number of people that I encountered throughout my day.  Let’s see, it started with the concierge staff in my apartment building, people on the street that I speak to everyday, people that are lost and asking for directions, the clerk at Caribou Coffee, the security team in my building, people on the elevator and co workers.  This list goes on and on and that’s only a small portion of the morning.  In a day, I may come in contact easily with 75 to 100 people. All to often we assume that everyone has great manners and skills to communicate effectively if they have a college degree or if they are from the dominant culture in America. Fiction. There are a series of things that can be done to incorporate the workforce, where people spend so much time, into their lives.  Here are a few examples that friends and colleagues shared with me over the Thanksgiving holiday:

• New staff orientation or structured welcome– It’s important to introduce new staff to other staff members. Granted they may not remember all the names but it will be more difficult to not speak to someone the next day if they have been properly introduced.

• Creating a team of energetic, outgoing staff members to be on a welcome committee. This team could share or develop a list of things to do in the neighborhood. For example, where to get coffee, lunch or the best place to meet friends for cocktails if they are new to the area. They could also provide information on the local transit system.

• Take a new staff person to lunch day, especially if they are in your department.

• Try talking to new staff members in everyday language instead of using acronyms which can be more confusing. If you must use things like COB (close of business) or other ridiculous words that really aren’t that easy even when you know what it stands for – at least in the beginning verbalize the entire meaning. For example, CDC – Centers for Disease Control, etc. 

My challenge to you is to take a day to watch yourself and jot down your initial reactions

to others.  Many people have told me that often they don’t interact with others, especially if they don’t know them because of perceived fear of the unknown. If someone is wearing a beautiful dress, tie or shoes share that thought with others. If someone’s label is hanging out alert him or her to the fact. Or if someone’s fly were down, they would appreciate knowing it before stepping into a meeting.

Remember, even a dog knows the difference between being kicked and stumbled over.

Tip: Try assuming the best of others.

Let us know your thoughts and what you have observed in your surroundings.

Training Starts At Home, or Should It?

As we propel at the speed of light into 2012, I have noticed the need for more and more training of staff in the job market. You are probably thinking, of course, training on the job is a great thing and needed so that each employee can do a better job.  Well, I would like to see training start a step further to address the lack of soft or social skills needed to be a productive team member.

Once upon a time, soft or social skills were taught in the home by parents.  Children were always taught to say excuse me, thank you or a simple salutation of hello when walking into a room or elevator where others were already gathered.  It seems to be the norm in certain parts of the country to avoid any human interaction at any cost; making eye contact is out of the question with the fear that someone may address you in some way.

Some of the places where we are all guilty of being unsociable or polite include:

• Airplanes and other types of transportation– everyone seems to try wearing the invisible cloak from Harry Potter. If they don’t exist and I haven’t been introduced to them, why say hello or excuse me for coughing or sneezing all over the place without covering their mouths.

• Supermarkets – apparently the word excuse me must be eliminated from one’s vocabulary as soon as they enter the store. Even saying hello to the cashier seems to be difficult for most people. Quite often a simple smile can do the trick. How often to you smile?

• Restaurants – How often do you say hello to the people or person at the table next to you that you just showed your bottom too as you squeezed in to sit at your table. It’s always a good idea to say hello to your server and ask them how they are doing? Believe me, it will make his or her day because no one ever asks. The key here is to be sincere or don’t bother because people know when others are being fake.

• Super Shuttle – Today I tried an experiment when taking Super Shuttle from Dulles International Airport.  There were 3 other people on the bus and I wanted to try wearing my invisible cloak to see what would happen. Just as anyone would expect – absolutely nothing happened. People looked at each other and never made a sound. Half way through the 2-hour trip, I said something that made people laugh and from that moment on everyone was chatting with each other and having a delightful time. Even the driver chimed in with a few comments.

• Walking to work while talking on your phone or trying to check emails is probably the rudest trait of all. Quite often those who strive to multi-task and get things done really aren't getting very much done at all, well at least not well.  They also cut people off, bump into people and quite often fall down flat on the sidewalk. Challenge yourself, try walking to work or home without being attached to your mobile device one day out of each week. Figure out a reward for yourself if you can actually do it.

For the past year, I have been working in our nation’s capital, Washington, DC and the lack of social skills feels deeply rooted and here to stay. This lack of these skills has nothing to do with the amount of education that one may have, nor what their economic status is or can potentially be, or even one’s cultural background – it’s simply across the board throughout the workforce. It exists with people making over $100,000 and with those making less than $20,000 per year. Initially I thought that the lack of soft or social skills only existed with financially challenged people, but I was wrong. I challenge you to become more aware and observe for one day how many times someone was socially inept for the job they were doing. Have you ever noticed how excited we are to reward any worker for actually doing their job? For example, in restaurants when we find a great server we all tend to leave no less than a 20% tip when they are basically doing their jobs well. Most of us are so accustomed to bad service or difficult staff providing inferior outcomes that we are overjoyed when someone really does that job in what we consider exceptionally.

The challenge is to check yourself out first and become aware of the number of times you may have been rude or impolite to another person for no apparent reason or didn’t use the social skills that you were taught as a child or learned along the way to becoming an adult.  Often we can all be guilty of being lost in the pressures of our work. Today I was craving a small dessert and my car drove me to the nearest Whole Food.  Did I mention I was also hungry? Well, when the staff person presented herself to me I immediately started giving orders of what I wanted. When she returned I said to her, please forgive my rudeness; I forgot to say please and hello to you. She laughed and said you are the first person to say anything at all to me or smile. She then told me a story about how her young daughters ages 7 and 8 always remind her to say thank you and please. We had a good chuckle about it and promised to check ourselves and our behavior even during those stressed times.

After conducting trainings with local corporations, community organizations and government agencies it became clear that companies should be obliged to take training to the next level.  Research states that most of us spend more time on our jobs than we do at home, therefore spending more time with our co-workers than with our families. Try counting the number of people that you may have contact with from the time you start your day to the end of your day.  I conducted an experiment with myself and I was surprised at the number of people that I encountered throughout my day.  Let’s see, it started with the concierge staff in my apartment building, people on the street that I speak to everyday, people that are lost and asking for directions, the clerk at Caribou Coffee, the security team in my building, people on the elevator and co workers.  This list goes on and on and that’s only a small portion of the morning.  In a day, I may come in contact easily with 75 to 100 people. All to often we assume that everyone has great manners and skills to communicate effectively if they have a college degree or if they are from the dominant culture in America. Fiction. There are a series of things that can be done to incorporate the workforce, where people spend so much time, into their lives.  Here are a few examples that friends and colleagues shared with me over the Thanksgiving holiday:

• New staff orientation or structured welcome– It’s important to introduce new staff to other staff members. Granted they may not remember all the names but it will be more difficult to not speak to someone the next day if they have been properly introduced.

• Creating a team of energetic, outgoing staff members to be on a welcome committee. This team could share or develop a list of things to do in the neighborhood. For example, where to get coffee, lunch or the best place to meet friends for cocktails if they are new to the area. They could also provide information on the local transit system.

• Take a new staff person to lunch day, especially if they are in your department.

• Try talking to new staff members in everyday language instead of using acronyms which can be more confusing. If you must use things like COB (close of business) or other ridiculous words that really aren’t that easy even when you know what it stands for – at least in the beginning verbalize the entire meaning. For example, CDC – Centers for Disease Control, etc. 

My challenge to you is to take a day to watch yourself and jot down your initial reactions

to others.  Many people have told me that often they don’t interact with others, especially if they don’t know them because of perceived fear of the unknown. If someone is wearing a beautiful dress, tie or shoes share that thought with others. If someone’s label is hanging out alert him or her to the fact. Or if someone’s fly were down, they would appreciate knowing it before stepping into a meeting.

Remember, even a dog knows the difference between being kicked and stumbled over.

Tip: Try assuming the best of others.

Let us know your thoughts and what you have observed in your surroundings.

Conducting Effective Meetings

Due to popular demand, this month's blog will focus on the ability and tools needed to conduct effective meetings. From years of experience I have observed that the scarcity of effective leaders and managers. Heading one's staff into submission by using fear does not make anyone a good manager and certainly not a leader in any sense of the word. I had the great opportunity to attend a training on the many ways of conducting great meetings.  Initially I didn't think that they could teach me anything new, but I was wrong. I walked away energized with new tools to add to my repertoire.

Ask anyone what makes a meeting a bad experience and people will be talking and sharing examples until the cows come home. Here are just a few examples that colleagues have shared with me:

• Too much rambling on and on about nothing
• No agenda or no following of an existing agenda
• Poor facilitation skills
• Too boring and monotone
• Nothing to really talk about 

Who to have at your meeting?

• Those who can benefit 
• Those who can contribute 

The following are the stages of a meeting:

• Planning
• Organization and Coordination
• Conducting or Facilitation
• Concluding / Wrap Up

Many managers call meetings all the time without substance, but merely as a soapbox.  Conducting meetings just to report out on what a department has been doing is a waste of time, money and an insult staff members. This happens in the non-profit, corporate and governmental entities every single day. Attendees all dread such meetings and entertain themselves by secretly checking their email, text messages and dreaming of the death of the so-called leaders. The following are reasons to conduct a meeting:

• To discuss a hot issue or crisis
• Update staff members about an important issue
• Team meeting
• Strategic planning with an outcome and a call to action
• Good news to be shared
• Key management issues that are not about simply reporting out about what each manager did last week. Even managers get bored with poor leadership which seems to exists more and more.
• Forecast or Planning for the future of the organization

There are a variety of roles that are necessary to conduct an effective meeting. Those include:

• Facilitator or Leader
• Participant
• Scribe - All to often meetings are conducted and no one ever records notes from the meeting, making it difficult for hold members accountable
• Time keeper - Keeps one "big mouth" from having diarrhea of the mouth
• Parking lot attendant - The role monitors what items need to be placed on hold for later discussion

Creating an agenda can make your meeting successful and efficient. Most of you know what need to go in an agenda, but it's always nice to have a refresher. Being at a meeting without an agenda is like being at a restaurant without a menu.  Always include:

• Pre-meeting preparation
• Purpose of the meeting
• Time allocation
• Topics / Items
• Date of meeting
• Time of meeting
• Location of meeting
• Action Items / Tasks

Tip for conducting effective meetings:  We have two ears and one mouth for a reason.  Two ears to listen and to hear better. One mouth to speak clearly.

Please feel free to share your thoughts about great meetings and bad meetings with us. May your next meeting be an effective one.

Pr For Peanuts: Pr Firm Offers Unique Service | PRLog

Pr For Peanuts: Pr Firm Offers Unique Service | PRLog

Death by Lecture

Can you remember the last time you thoroughly enjoyed participating in a training or lecture?  You may need a bit of time to dig deep in your memory banks to find the one training session that fired you up to make a difference.  Don't feel alone, until last week I hadn't experienced an entertaining speaker for several years and kept asking myself, "What makes them think they are such a good speaker or trainer?"

There are many presenters who simply talk to hear themselves talk without evaluating if anyone is interested in what they are saying. That's all to say that a trainer or speaker who never pauses to catch a breath is usually the only one learning about him or herself because no one else is listening.  I truly believe this is the reason text messaging is so popular, especially when we are not being entertained and given the exciting information that we hoped to discover.

Do you ever stop to ask yourself what you are like as a speaker or trainer? As a facilitator and trainer I am constantly practicing, learning from others and sharpening my presentation skills. A great trainer once shared a thought with me that I have never forgotten, amateurs work until they get it right, professionals work till it can't go wrong. I always strive to be a professional, always learning, always changing my presentation and listening to the audience.

A couple of weeks ago I had the opportunity to witness two great presenters. The first presentation was a short lunchtime event on media perception and the way we see things, or don't see things. Our overall intuition or perception can sometimes deceive us or have an impact on our decisions for projects or other related work. The presenter was the best I have ever witnessed. His presentation was tight and well thought out. In other words he was prepared and in sync with the audience. I watched him very closely as he would go into 10 or 15 minutes of lecture, move into an interactive video or activity and constantly checked in with the audience for feedback, comments and questions. When he ended we all yearned for another session with this energetic presenter. He shared two videos with the group about seeing the gorilla in the room.  Here is a link to the videos if you have not seen them. Monkey business illusion: http://www.techdirt.com/articles/20100714/03225710210.shtml

At another all day training on the topic of Crisis Communications and Management, hosted by Fleishman Hillard's DC office, was simply amazing.  Attending an all day training is usually a clear signal to me that your head may hit the table before the first morning break.  But this time I was dead wrong. Every presenter was entertaining, funny and full of information.  Each one was ready to answer any question and listen to comments from the audience. My favorite speaker of the day was Andy Card.  Mr. Card was the Chief of Staff for President George W. Bush. Initially I thought he would be dry and stuffy. To my excitement and surprise, Mr. Card was outstanding and great professional speaker that spoke for one hour without receiving a yawn from anyone in the room. He gave us factual information about disasters and crises, how to plan strategically, made his presentation interactive by including the audience in his discussion and he managed to keep us laughing while discussing a serious topic.  Truly a professional.

Here are a few tips that can make you a hit at your next training:

• Know your audience well
• It's helpful to obtain as much information as possible about your audience which will help you to tailor your presentation
• Information can be received through online surveys, phone calls or a brief survey card when your audience enters the room
• It also helps to mingle and welcome the audience when they arrive to get a true feel of their attitude, etc.

• Talk to and not at your audience
• No one likes to be lectured to, even when sitting in a college classroom
• Include your audience in the discussion or presentation
• Try to give capsule or bite size pieces of information
• The average listener loses interest after 30 to 45 minutes unless they are included in the conversation and also able to contribute. Remember your audience are smart people.

• Keep the audience engaged
• When possible, move around the room, wearing a wireless microphone
• If you are stuck on stage, try to move around or be as animated as you can be, you should be truly interested in the topic you are sharing
• If you have a good sense of humor, this is a time to use it

• Reasons that make you want to remove a presenter from the microphone:
• Boring speaker
• Someone who likes to hear themselves talk.
• Someone who always runs over the allotted time and ignores all the warning signs being waved by staff in the back of the room trying to give them the cut it off signal.
• Someone who reads the PowerPoint presentation or their notes to the audience. Almost like a bedtime story. I think that we are all able to read the slides for ourselves.
• Someone who never looks at the audience.
• Someone who lectures with their back to the audience so they can read the slides.
• Someone who keeps switching glasses in order to see the slides or to read their notes.
• Someone who starts the training by admitting that they are not a very good speaker and may be dry.

As you can see, this list could continue on until the cows come home, but I will allow you to add to the list and share your list with me. Death by Lecture -- simply not worth the pain.  Remember to have fun when you are presenting, your audience want to love your presentation and are ready to have a great time with you.

Eye Contact: Tips for Speakers

Eye contact is essential for the speakers whether you are in a small meeting or addressing a crowd of 1000. Often, failing to use eye contact means you are losing one of the most important tools you have to connect and convince your audience about your message in the speaker audience relationship. Your position as the presenter will establish you as the  leader of the group. Research shows that looking away from your audience may signal avoidance, looking at them signals approach and that audiences rate it highly. Here are a few tips:

• Be sure you look at all sections of the room. Don't ignore one side or the other, or favor those in front without looking to the rear of the room. If you have trouble remembering to do this, write directions to yourself in your speech text. Look rear, look left, look right as reminders to yourself.

• Audiences can sense when you are not connecting with them.  A helpful tip is to make contact with 2 or 3 people in the audience and try to focus on them. Make sure that all 3 are not in the front way but all over the audience. It really does help to be at your workshop prior to the participants so that you will have time to develop a bond with them, introduce yourself and find out a little bit about each of them that you can refer to when presenting.

• Eye contact can also emphasize an important point. Eye contact can be an important tool for visual learners, and can help audiences to remember and retain what you are saying. Use it to emphasize what you want them to recall, to indicate a specific group in the audience or to refer to what a speaker or participant pointed out.

• Remember, it's great to have a mini chat with your workshop or seminar participants  before the training. It helps to address key members of your audience and refer back or to call on them  during your presentation. Looking over the room and at certain individuals really helps to create a bond between you and your audience.

• The most important part of this exercise is to remember to have FUN and to enjoy your presentation.