Networking vs Building Relationships

Is there a difference between networking and building relationships? Could they basically be the same?  It's a question that many of my professional colleagues continue to discuss when we get together for tea, coffee or a cocktail.

This month I was invited to a business networking luncheon for entrepreneurs and independent consultants.  When I received the invitation, I simply tossed it aside in my Review Later folder on my computer. After several days passed, I decided to review that folder and delete most of the "Not in Your Life" invitations, announcements that arrive daily.  This one was different for some reason, one of the co-organizers was a colleague that I've collaborated with on several projects. It peaked my curiosity as she is someone that I've built a strong relationship with over many years. So, I responded in the affirmative, still feeling a bit hesitant. The question that kept running through my head was is this a networking hello meeting or building relationship activity.

Over the years we have been taught by professionals to always have an elevator speech in our back pocket or tucked away in your brief case to be pulled out at the drop of a hat. They usually say practice makes perfect and you end up delivering a canned speech that has been remembered, often sounding less than sincere. If you have an elevator speech, remember that it should change, depending on the audience or person you are talking to at the time. Giving a 10 to 15 second speech about yourself can inform and peak curiosity but follow up is an important next step. Quite often I hope that the elevator door will open sooner than later.

Communications is one of the key factors in everything that we do at home or at work. Active listening is a key factor of networking and building relationships.

Often, most people are not listening at all but waiting on a chance to jump in and share their story whether it relates to what was discussed or not. Trust me, it's a turn off. Often when I am conducting training sessions I have participants practice this concept and ask pertinent questions to what had been communicated by their partner. Try practicing active listening over the next few days, most people notice when someone is listening or not listening to what is being said or requested. It's key when working with clients.

Not everyone wants to build a relationship, but they are interested in networking if they can see the benefits for themselves. Networking can be a bit like speed dating.  Often you may be asked the same questions whether it's in business or on a date. The usual questions are:

• So, what do you do? My response is when? Then they probe further asking -- "For a living?" People tend to be impressed by job titles as opposed to who you are as a person. Of course, this varies from region to region. 

• Where do you work?  If you say Google or Apple people want to know more about you and if discounts come with knowing you. When living in Washington, DC, the question always started with "Do you work on Capitol Hill?"  Give the wrong answer and people walk away. It was always fun to say I work at the White House to see them start to drool and gather around to become a new contact.

• Where do you live? I sometimes say in my car just to see the look of horror on their faces.

• Do you drive? When dating often someone will volunteer to walk you to your car as if you need a guard for protection. Do you know why -- to see what type of car you own. Apparently, it provides more information on how successful they think that you should be.

Building a solid relationship is an investment and takes time. It's a bit like fishing, if you reel the fish in too fast you could snatch the lips off, as my dad use to tell us kids on every fishing trip. Here is a networking cheat sheet that may be able to get you started until you feel comfortable. 

Daily, organizations ask me and those in my network, "How do we get into the African American, Latino/Hispanic or Asian/Pacific Islander community?" Building relationships with communities can take years to create properly. The relationship between individuals must be nurtured and respected before it is used. Developing a genuine relationship creates trust and a strong bond. Creating strong relationships is a process of honesty, commitment, loyalty, and growth that starts with being culturally sensitive, respectful, and wise.  It saddens me that most companies and staff are not interested in putting in the time that it takes to develop a contact or a relationship.

Today, most companies and people expect it to happen immediately through social media, text messages or emails but not in person. One of my interns said to me, "What would anyone talk about over lunch or coffee with a stranger?" Fast and dirty is not always the long-term solution to being successful. So, I took my intern to lunch with a new contact to teach her how to have a delightful conversation.

So, my question to you: Is there really a difference between networking and building a relationship? Please share your ideas and best practices in what works best for you.

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